e·go·cen·tric
Synonyms: resolute, firm, dogged, fixed, constant, bold, intent, persistent, relentless, stalwart, persevering, single-minded, purposeful, tenacious, undaunted, strong-willed, steadfast, unwavering, immovable, unflinching, strong-minded
I’ve read a few blogs and articles lately about this trait in my personality profile. I know exactly where it comes from and can see it when it bubbles up, but in recognizing it I believe I can control it through conscious changes and am determined to do so.
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” don Miguel Ruiz, from his best-seller “The Four Agreements”
How can we become immune to the opinions and actions of others when we take things personally because we are in ego? One of the definitions of egocentric is that I have the tendency to perceive, understand and interpret the world in terms of ME and therefore, tend to believe that everyone else sees what I see and believe.
I’ve read that the degree of egocentricity hinges largely on amount of invested interest. With those whom I am emotionally invested is where I have to be most careful, as this is where the degree of egocentricity is greatest.
You will probably agree with me that open-mindedness is a virtue. It is also the antithesis of being egocentric. I like to think I am open-minded and believe that I am in many ways. However, when my mind is made up about something, it can be a challenge for me to remain open-minded to what others are saying. My quest to better this in my own life has led me to add something to my mission statement: “I have a self within that can and does look at all sides without loss.” This is something I will be consciously working on each day.
We are all egocentric in many ways; these tendencies demonstrate this daily when we:
- “forget” evidence and information which does not support our thinking and to “remember” evidence and information which does
- think absolutistically within an overly narrow point of view: You ALWAYS, I NEVER…
- think that our beliefs are true because we believe them
- feel superior in the light of our confidence that we are in the possession of THE TRUTH
- ignore bold inconsistencies between what we say we believe and the actual beliefs our behaviors imply, or inconsistencies between the standards to which we hold ourselves and what we expect from others
- ignore real and important complexities in the world in favor of simplistic notions when consideration of those complexities would require us to modify our beliefs or values
- fail to notice facts or evidence which contradict our favored beliefs or values
- over-generalize immediate feelings and experiences–so that when one event in our life is highly favorable or unfavorable, all of life seems favorable or unfavorable as well
- fail to notice thinking which has “absurd” consequences, when noticing them would force us to rethink our position
When egocentric thinking is successful in helping us get what we want, positive feelings accompany it. But when egocentric thinking is not able to achieve its purposes, negative feelings result. We may feel defensive, apathetic, alienated, resentful, depressed, angry, irritable, and/or indifferent (whatever!).
I am trying very hard to work each day on detecting and correcting my own egocentric tendencies in how I think, what I say, and what I do. I am not always successful, but I keep trying. Each day I come closer to that place where I can see others and their belief, words, and actions, and consider them without loss but rather with peace, love, and understanding. Have you worked on this within yourself? What efforts helped you to be successful?